Accepting, letting go, ‘letting it be’, and more of such things?
We often hear it, we often read it, and in general, it’s considered sensible: advice like “let it go”, “accept it” or “let it be”. We get them from teachers, gurus, philosophers, priests, and therapists, but also from friends and family. The advice is clear, we understand what is meant, but is it useful to us? How helpful is it in the face of grief over loss, or during times of inhumane developments by power institutions?
What’s our initial inner response when we hear advice like ‘let it go’? Is it one of “yes, you’re absolutely right”? Or is it more like “wait a minute, it’s easy for you to say”, or “don’t you see what’s going on?”, or other words that come to mind because we’re struggling with a situation. If we feel resistance, or sorrow, or confusion, or anger, there’s a reason for it. And if we can see and understand that reason, it becomes logical.
A feeling of sorrow is completely understandable, for we experience loss, usually of something dear. Loss is ‘permitted’ in our society, yet most people still apologize when they shed tears. Resistance arises when we experience some kind of injustice. This can be accompanied by feelings of frustration or anger. We feel that the situation around us does not align with our idea or sense of ‘rightness’. Or we feel we’re not being treated fairly. We would like to see that changed. However, we don’t always have control over this and will have to deal with such circumstances from a place of inner peace. Often, the driving force behind the intention to resist is some old conditioning or memory within us, triggered because the situation evokes something ‘old’. Then we might react with a kind of emotional allergy, which doesn’t help
us to stay clear-headed. In that case, we need to perceive more than just the situation itself. We need to observe within ourselves.
Acceptance
Firstly, accepting the situation can be beneficial. It brings some peace. However, understand that this is a philosophical decision made by our mind, from our Rational Center. It might give temporary relief, but it doesn’t last. The trigger and the root cause don’t dissolve. To find lasting resolution, we must examine our discomfort or dissatisfaction, even as we accept, to uncover its true cause. Often, the trigger is different from the root cause. Triggers invoke ‘old feelings’, making the true cause felt in our gut or heart. It’s like a subtle emotional jab. Observing this feeling with a quiet mind helps us recognize how (old) pain or needs push us toward sadness or resistance, consistently in similar situations. Our higher discernment (Buddhi) is very capable of bringing us clear understanding when we silently Observe. Without moving our body or mind. The first thing that emerges is a kind of peace and resignation, simply by ‘seeing’ the situation and our reaction to it for what they truly are.
Acceptance from Reason.
- Acceptance by ‘getting it’ is being able to receive with our mind (which can rationalize). We accept something unusual by receiving it (allowing it) because we understand it. The mind comprehends, and from that, rational understanding arises, based on a neutral and rational judgment.
Acknowledgment
Once we’ve observed the root cause (often something ‘old’) and genuinely felt it without judging it too much, we reach the next stage: acceptance.
This is an attitude from our heart, from our Feeling-Center. We then see and feel that the ‘old’ is no longer relevant, even if it is evoked by a trigger, often due to another person’s attitude in our situation. Or we realize that a legitimate need within us can’t be met, like in the case of loss, and can observe this with empathy for ourselves.
Acceptance means understanding from your Feeling Center that every loss comes with grief. Understanding that something might have been wrong for us in the past, but the current situation has nothing to do with that. The trigger then evokes an old feeling in us or points to an essential need but is often/usually not the root cause. We can deeply feel this because emotions need space, allowing them to ‘roll out’ like a train that was kept underground. Acceptance becomes possible when we learn to give up and dedicate.
Acceptance from Feeling..
- Acceptance by acknowledgment is being able to gift with our heart (which doesn’t operate from ratio). We accept deviations by gifting understanding, based on deep emotional comprehension. The heart doesn’t ‘get it’, but understands in acknowledgement. Acceptance like that fosters empathy and compassion within us.
Comprehending and Understanding
After acceptance (mind) and acknowledgment (heart) comes the so-called letting go. But we will find that we don’t actually need to let anything go, because our gained understanding makes the inner turmoil let go of us. It dissolves in sensitive observation and takes us closer to inner freedom. We can then dedicate it to our highest essence. Feelings of loss lessen when we allow ourselves to grieve and deeply feel it in our quiet mind. We need to profoundly experience and acknowledge sorrow because it emerges from our Ahamkara.
When our feelings function properly, we can approach the above completely and with respect for ourselves. If we ignore them or rationalize them away, based on any logic, this feeling will keep knocking on our door, time and time again, until we finally hear and ‘answer’. Our intellect loves quick and reasonable solutions because it ‘gets’ things quickly. Merely ‘getting’ things isn’t enough. Our feelings, on the other hand, love quiet attention because they can (learn to) ‘comprehend’, which has a deeper nuance than simply understanding and requires more of our time. Quiet attention to emotions, allowing our inner light of awareness to shine on them, means that the turmoil and movement of feelings can finally ‘roll out’ into a silent motionless comprehension, into a true Knowing. If we don’t do this, these feelings can arise in every situation and play a role under the table without our realization.
Surrender and Resistance
In conflict situations, with others, it’s important to accept and acknowledge that every situation belongs to ‘what is’. That we can (learn to) cope based on what we truly know by allowing our light of consciousness on it. This also illuminates any old experiences or past pains. Once recognized, felt deeply, re-evaluated, and resolved in the peace of true understanding, we can surrender to any situation. We can act or not act in full surrender, depending on what’s needed at that moment. We can even choose non-violent resistance, if necessary. We then engage in complete inner freedom with only one goal: to influence the situation in such a way that it becomes good/better/just for all beings in it, including ourselves. In full surrender with complete dedication. true love. And then we should not neglect, if necessary, to intervene robustly. This is also one of the lessons of the Bhagavad Gita.
From feeling and passion, and with optimal use of our clear intellect, we can then act decisively, not ambivalently, according to what our clear discernment shows and instructs us. Not from wanting, but as a response to situations, from truth-finding. We act according to ‘what is’, to what’s needed. Our own actions are also part of ‘what is’. And we do this according to our nature, as best as possible, and as ‘our bird is beaked’. Autonomously, simply being oneself.
Thus, we act In the world, but we are no longer of the world.
It’s a misconception to do nothing out of supposed neutrality, to ‘let everything be’ from misplaced ‘acceptance of what is’. This attitude arises from non-commitment, not from inner freedom, and possibly even from misunderstood fear or weakness. It’s also born from an attractive adopted ‘spiritual’ mindset, taken up after merely ‘understanding’ teachings and repeatedly echoing their rigid doctrines. This is often seen among followers of traditional Western and Eastern religions. These mindsets were either ingrained from childhood or formed as a replacement for previous, often worldly mindsets. It only shows inner weakness from unawareness of one’s spiritual functioning. From misunderstanding, from an emotional-mental impurity, and by not (being able to) listen to our deepest Feeling that constantly serves to awaken us.
